The Queen has had an exclusive interview with E! News regarding the
recent rumours about her sex-life. There have been rumours about Queen
Elizabeth I not being a virgin, due to a series of allegations that “no person
can stay a virgin for life”. Sources close to the Queen have informed us of
several men entering Elizabeth’s room at night. E! News has all the juicy
details.
- Your Royal Highness, rumour has it that you
have been seeing several men on numerous occasions in the past years, how
do you respond to these rumours?
I strongly advise any citizen to avert these allegations. They are all made up rumours with no truth in them whatsoever. I am and will remain a virgin for the rest of my days. I am strongly opposed to these accusations, and I am doing my best to locate these sources.
- My Queen, nevertheless, we have eyewitness
sources from within The Royal Resident claiming to have seen you being
intimate with someone of the opposite sex?
And dare I ask who
are these sources you speaking of? I will not answer this outrageous question.
To claim that I have lovers is quite preposterous. What someone claims to have
seen is not a man whom I am intimate with; he is simply a member of my staff. I
would not dare to defame my own reputation.
- Your Majesty, how would you say that your
supposed marriage to England is affected by the recent rumours of your
tomfoolery?
Naturally, it
complicates matters. Being the matriarch of both England and the English
Church, I am expected to act within the boundaries of morality at all times.
These rumours are demeaning to my image, and it questions my love for my
country, and I will be sure to hang the soul who initially spread these
preposterous rumours. Though, the adversity of governing the most powerful
nation in the world has inclined lately, I’m afraid. The stress is building and
it would be nice to have some way or another to relieve it…
- And if I may ask, My Queen, who is this young
fellow who enters your chamber twice each night?
What sort of
question is that? How dare you ask me such question? You only know my name, not
my story. How do you even know about that, you insulant fool? I will have you
know, that man is my French tutor and he comes by at night because of his very
busy schedule.
- But how can a woman of your age claim to be a
virgin? You have to admit it seems absurd?
I refuse to answer such foolish questions. I will have you all beheaded.
Our Royal Highness refused to answer any more of our questions, and her
publicist informed us that our interview was over after just 20 minutes. The
Queen seems unlikely to admit that the allegations are true, but with
first-hand sources, we do not doubt the truth. E! News will continue to pursue
this story, and provide you with the latest rumours and gossip concerning our
beloved Queen. What do you think? Let us know in the comments below.